Yes, I’ve decided to stop paddling, at least competitively. It’s a decision shocking even to myself. Before returning to Singapore, I had always thought I’d go back to my old club and paddle with them again. You know, go back to the old routine of waking up at 5am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings to be at the beach at 6.15am for morning trainings, and then spend Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoons out on the water again.
After returning to Singapore, I started going for practice at the beginning of September. The ladies are training for a race in Hong Kong and at first I was going to do it but something happened during practice last Saturday that made me decide to pull out of the race. I was screamed at by an alpha female because she didn’t approve of the way I was steering the canoe and also that I should have been more aggressive. Well really, if she’s so smart, go steer the canoe herself. But oh, she can’t steer!
It was at that very moment when I realised I didn’t find paddling fun anymore. I didn’t sign up for this – to be screamed at by people. I can no longer muster up that competitive mindset that’s required of this club. I have no more desire to compete or go for time trials so I can fight for a seat in the boat. I’ve been there done that. Time to move on.
Sure, competitive paddling instills a discipline in you that can help you in other aspects of your life. It pushes you to achieve more than you think you could. It fosters team spirit, teaches you to work with others, and builds determination and perseverance. But people have egos, and egos are what sometimes make the game ugly.
In the nine months when I didn’t paddle in Hong Kong, I hiked a lot at the weekends, and I was hiking with people who were non-competitive and were just out to enjoy a day outdoors. No one thought of besting the next person in timing or speed. No one cared. I enjoyed that.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been too worried about other areas of my life, hence I could never truly focus on the race. I didn’t go for as many practices as I should mainly due to the ridiculous cost of entering Sentosa, no thanks to the integrated resort. Anyway, it all doesn’t matter now as I’m hanging up my paddle.
I feel liberated after the decision to quit paddling. There’s no more obligation to turn up for practice and I’m now free to pursue new things. I still love the ocean and I still love paddling but just not of a competitive nature. At one point in time I thought I couldn’t ever do without paddling as it was so much a part of my life. But situations change, as do people.
So now the question is, what should I try next (after I get a job of course)? Ideas, dear reader?