A shock awaited me when I logged into Facebook a few days ago and saw this status update of a friend I got to know through hiking in Hong Kong:
It is with deep regret that I inform all of my sister’s dear friends that H passed away peacefully last night surrounded by family and friends. We will keep you updated of funeral arrangements. ~ H’s sister, T
I had to do a second take as H was only in her 30s and was an avid hiker. Later, I found out from my other hiking buddies that she had had breast cancer for quite awhile and her condition had deteriorated exponentially in the past few months. I was in a reflective mood following that, just thinking about life and its fragility.
I worry about the future pretty often, in particular what life would be like when I reach old age. Most of the time, I get anxious, scared and depressed when I think about it. Seeing at how expensive things are these days and then looking at what little money I’m earning, I really don’t know how I’ll ever have enough money to live on in old age. I look at so many of my friends and everyone seems so sorted – they have high-salary jobs, they’ve bought one or more properties, they know how invest their money well. It’s like with some clicks on the computer, they have earned themselves a fortune by just buying and selling shares or trading in forex and what have you.
While I’ve read up on such things and dabbled in a little stock trading myself, I’m nowhere near those financial whizzes who seem to make money out of nothing. And not being a trust fund baby, it’s not without reason that I worry about the future. I look at the old aunties and uncles clearing dishes and wiping tables at food courts and I worry about being like that when I’m old and greying.
But after awhile, I just have to remind myself that every person has his/her own path in life and that whatever we see is often only the surface. Rich and successful people have their own struggles and crosses to bear as well. Who knows? They might even envy the simple life some people lead. I remind myself to be thankful for my health, for being able to get up each day without feeling aches and pains, for being able to walk, see, hear, taste, touch, move. Thankful purely for being alive and well. For as cliched as it sounds, health really is wealth. So as long as I’m healthy, I can still earn a living somehow.
I know from other friends that H put up a brave fight and before she succumbed to her illness, she lived her life with passion and zeal. She led the hiking bunch of friends on hikes, and brought us to beautiful streams where we enjoyed ourselves splashing in the waterfalls and rock pools. When I was back in Hong Kong for a few days in November, we were just saying that we’ll arrange to go on a trip together with the rest of the girls. The whole thing still seems so surreal, but I trust that H is in a better place now.
Not long ago, a Japanese reader of mine (but now we’ve become e-pals) who lives in Sendai wrote to say that she now has a whole new perspective on life after the tsunami tragedy. She said that after seeing so many lives cut short by the tsunami, she has now learnt to be thankful for what she has and has learnt not to dwell on the things she doesn’t have. And the important thing is to live life to the fullest in the best way that she can.
For me, all I really want is to be a happy person surrounded by the people I love and being in a place that I like. I think all these years I’ve been trying as much as possible to make myself happy by chasing after the experiences that I want to have and the relationships that I wanted to have. I haven’t been successful in every regard (especially when it comes to relationships) but at least I can tell myself that I’ve always been true to myself even if I’ve made mistakes along the way. That, I feel, is important to me.
So while I’m not leading my DREAM life because there are certain realities in life that I have to face, I pursue little moments of happiness and am constantly striving to achieve an acceptable compromise and equilibrium between dreams and reality.
I once read in a book that to make ourselves happy, we should be buying experiences and not material things. Meaning that, a person will be happier if he spent $10,000 going on a nice holiday rather than on a snazzy entertainment system. For the happiness derived from material things will last only for a short time, while the happiness derived from a holiday will last a long time as it’ll leave you with pleasant memories that you can relive many times over.
I agree with that point of view as I certainly find that’s true as far as I’m concerned. Hence, I choose not to spend my money on designer goods, choosing instead to spend on holidays as I want to see as much as I can of the world. But being able to do all that boils down to having good health at the most fundamental level.
So after all that rambling, I guess I’m really just trying to say that it’s good to be alive.