Dimsumdolly

I managed to squeeze my left foot into my pair of cyan ASIC runners after undoing the laces of the top three rungs. Even so, it still felt snug but at least walking in them is a lot better – more natural gait and protection for the toes – than walking in flip flops or my pair of Birkenstock. Or walking in Crocs. Woohoo!

Yesterday afternoon I managed to take myself to the hairdresser in my neighbourhood and later in the evening, made my way to the train station and took a train to a suburb four stops away. And from there, walked to a restaurant about a kilometre away. Of course all this took three times longer than it would have taken me pre-injury. Also I felt comfortable not wearing my moon boot as I have to start weaning myself off it. In any case, it’s still a milestone as I have never been out independently since my injury.

As I was about to have my shower last night, I took the shower stool out of the shower stall, removing it from where it has stood for the past 2.5 months. I congratulated myself on another milestone, i.e. I can now stand to take a shower! Being the pragmatics we are, A and I decided the stool would be best placed in storage in the garage as we will probably need to use it in 20 years’ time!

I’m making an effort to increase the distance I walk with each day that passes, taking cues from my pain threshold and how tired I feel to know when to stop. I’ll get there!

My foot looks more like it belongs to a human now. The main incision, running 6cm along the length of the foot, is looking less scary compared to the club of a foot I first saw when unveiled in front of me two weeks after surgery. The little scar to the right of it has faded too but a stubborn stitch remains lodged in the skin, the remnants of surgical thread which has failed to dissolve. That will need to be dealt with at the next review consultation with my surgeon that’s scheduled for 1 May.

I’m hobbling more around my home but when I’m out, I still put on the moon boot and use the crutches due to uneven surfaces. When the surfaces are even, I can actually do without the crutches. I’m supposed to wean myself off the moon boot but my problem now is finding suitable footwear as my left foot cannot fit into any of my shoes. This situation could be a permanent one, in which case I would have to replace all my footwear. Or it could be a temporary situation until my foot’s swelling goes down, but even that would take up to a year.

So I took to Googling “shoes for swollen feet” and came up with a few options, none of which were particularly attractive. The other option was a pair of Crocs but I still can’t bring myself to buy a pair of that ridiculous looking footwear. Although I’m told by a friend who works in the company that Generation Z are obsessed with Crocs and the brand is experiencing a revival thanks to clever marketing. In other words, I’m the uncool one here for shunning those clogs.

Anyway the hunt for a decent looking pair of adaptive footwear continues as I progress along my rehabilitation process.

Today marked a recovery milestone – I managed to walk to my physiotherapy appointment, which was 350m away from home, and back! Even though I had to use a crutch, I was walking without my moon boot on. It marked the first time since my injury that I was able to get out of home by myself without any help. I can go and get a cup of barista-made coffee at my neighbourhood café!!

I’d like to think I’ve been making good progress since my review consultation with my surgeon two weeks ago. X-rays taken during the review showed that my fractures have healed and I could start physiotherapy. The recovery process involves gradually putting weight on the foot and getting flexibility as well as strength back to the ankle, toes and calf.

Although it will still be awhile before I can get back to bushwalking and sports, it definitely felt good to be walking again!!!

I hate the fact I’m stuck at home waiting for A to return home after his outdoor climb. I hate that I can’t get outside of this damn apartment without his help.

It’s already past two in the afternoon, I haven’t had my lunch and what was supposed to be “I’ll back in the early afternoon” on a perfectly nice and sunny Saturday is turning out to be back by mid/late afternoon at best. I don’t know if I’m entitled to be annoyed at him, but I just am.

I hate that I can’t sit outside in a park and look up at the blue skies. Instead I’m stuck indoors looking out through a window like a trapped animal.

This sucks. This really sucks.

I want to get out to get some fresh air and sunshine. But I’m f**king stuck.

I hate my loss of independence. I f**king hate it. I need to get out of this cage. I understand how animals in zoos feel. They are bored out of their minds from captivity and the tedium of the same surrounds day in day out. I understand how the elderly who are stuck in nursing and aged care homes feel. It’s a mindless and tedious countdown to the day’s end.

I hate that my mum and good friends are visiting soon and I can’t spend time with them in the way I’d like.

Argh.

We now do what normal people do on weekends, i.e. wake up at a more earthly hour of 8:30am and take our time to get ready for the day.

During the weekend just past, I caught up with a friend on Saturday and after that we went to a music shop to buy a ukulele for me. I figured learning something new would be good for me and it’s also something to do for the next few months. I wanted an instrument which would be easily portable and one that I could handle easily. I tried A’s guitar and felt it was too big for me. So I’m now looking up tutorials YouTube and A is also teaching me some music theory.

But really I’m pretty hopeless when it comes to music. I learnt the piano as a kid but I was never any good at it. I stopped piano at 14 and so haven’t touched music for 30 years. I don’t have a good ear for music. In any case, this is a new activity for the moment.

On Sunday, we checked out Fitzpatrick Park which is by Georges River National Park in the southwest of Sydney. We spent the day sitting on a picnic mat and just enjoying the sunshine and fresh air which came in a cool breeze that caressed us the entire time we were there. Neither of us had been there before so it was nice checking out a new place. A also took the opportunity to go for a 50-min trail run in the national park while I waited by the river bank.

I also managed to lower myself to the mat as well as get myself upright using my crutches, without the help of anyone. I think my right leg has become strong enough over these few weeks for me to manage that. I would add that getting up and down on one leg does require a lot of core strength!

Later in the evening, I also managed to manoeuvre myself in and out of the shower stall by myself such that I didn’t need any help from A to take a proper shower. Of course I still needed to sit down on my shower stool as I’m still unable to put any weight on my left foot. For the first time since my injury, I also could have a shower without a plastic sheet over my leg.

These little milestones of independence are encouraging for me and A. I know care-giving is difficult and anything that I can do to relieve him of a task is helpful for both him and myself.

Everything takes so much longer to do now. Getting into the car and out, being wheeled into a mall and having to look for lifts etc – it’s a frustrating game of patience.

Bobbin Head is where we headed to on Sunday for some fresh air and sunshine. The cafe at Bobbin Head has a ramp for wheelchair users and there is a wheelchair friendly broadwalk that takes you out to a short stretch of mangrove to enjoy what that ecosystem has to offer.

It’s three weeks post-op and a month since I sustained my injury. I hardly step out of my home on weekdays – A goes into the office while I work from home. For the most part, I’m able to cope by myself as long as I don’t have to cook as it’s too difficult to do so. As such, we’ve been buying cooked meals for me for lunch. To take the task of cooking off A, I’ve signed up for a meal subscription service to tide me through the next six months or possibly more, depending on my recovery process.

The more information I find out about Lisfranc injuries, the more discouraged I get. Essentially most people are unable to return to their pre-injury sporting levels. And most people take at least six months to a year to recover.

Sigh.

There are two animals I identify with these days. First the flamingo, as I can only stand on one leg. I’ve been reading up about the recovery process for Lisfranc injuries and a key part of the rehabilitation process is training the injured leg to regain balance after not having been load-bearing for several months. I’m still minimally six months away from that stage.

As for identifying with being a dog, I rely on A to “walk” me, that is, push me around in a wheelchair to get out of our home for some sunshine and fresh air. Unfortunately it’s not an activity I can undertake on my own. Meal times are times I look forward to in the course of my day, my invisible tail wagging away when lunch and dinner is served. That said, I am very mindful of my calorie intake as my physical activity has drastically reduced.

For some self-care, I also got a haircut and shampoo yesterday at a salon that’s a few minutes’ push by wheelchair (that’s my unit of measurement for distance now) from our home. A dropped me off at the salon and went home to get on some work calls. My hair was getting a bit long and unruly and getting that cut and wash did make me feel better. Like a dog at the groomer’s, A came to pick me up and wheel me home after I was done.

A week ago, which was Day 11 post-surgery, I went to my surgeon’s clinic for the first consultation since being discharged from hospital.

He first looked at my x-ray scans to check that all 11 screws and two plates were still in their right place in the left foot. Thankfully they were. It’s mind-blowing how one misstep can cause so much damage. I was told that the metal in me is safe to go into an MRI machine. Good to know.

Then it was time to remove the sutures. My foot looked terrible with all that stitching. It was still swollen and I was told by the nurse that the swelling is likely to remain for a year. Three weeks of inactivity on my lower leg has also rendered it noticeably smaller than the right one due to muscle loss. The black sutures on the skin’s surface were then removed but the sutures underneath the skin remain.

My doctor allowed me to go into a moon boot. But before doing so, he asked: “Are you trustworthy?” Apparently many people think they can start putting weight on their injured foot the moment a moon boot is worn. But loading weight too soon actually jeopardises the recovery process. I told him I would definitely not do that and I would make sure I keep my injured foot off the ground.

Unfortunately Lisfranc injuries (which affect the bones, joints and ligaments in the mid foot) are more complex, hence take a longer time to heal. The Lisfranc joint supports the arch of the foot and therefore putting weight onto it when it’s not ready is definitely a bad idea.

Fast forward to Day 18: The moon boot allows me to take off the cast when I’m sitting down, which is especially helpful on hot and muggy days. It also allows me to scratch the occasional itch on the sole of the injured foot, something which I can’t do it in a plaster cast. Additionally, I can moisturise the skin on my lower leg – the skin there has aged 20 years from being wrapped up in a plaster cast for several weeks!

Close to three weeks post surgery, I’ve turned the corner with regards to the use of painkillers. For 2.5 weeks I had been taking a cocktail of opioids, Panadol and Ibuprofen for pain management. For the past four days I’ve managed to stay off them despite feeling pain which has now become manageable. I decided it’s best not to take them if I can help it. The less drugs in me, the better for my body.

Hopefully the pain completely goes away soon. But reading other people’s experiences of this injury, it seems that could take a long while. But everyone’s different so I can only hope for the best.

In our quest to hold on to elements of the pre-injury lifestyle we had before I sustained my injury, we bought the NSW National Parks pass for $65 so we could enter go into national parks which require parking fees multiple times. In the past we haven’t had to as most of the places we bushwalk and canyon at don’t charge parking fees as they tend to be areas where there are no tourist crowds.

So over the weekend we went to three parks which required a fee to enter.

This shot was taken beside the Memorial Walk at North Head which is within the Sydney Harbour National Park. Located a few minutes’ drive from Manly Beach, North Head is popular with runners, walkers and cyclists. I sat down at this bench to read for 35 minutes while A went for his run.

Then it was off to have coffee and breakfast at Bella Vista cafe which, true to its name, boasts amazing views of South Head, the harbour and the ocean at a glance. The cafe is popular with visitors to North Head as it’s a great place to chill and take in the views.

Playing tourist and getting the money shot of North Head taken. There is a gun emplacement where visitors can go to for a slice of WWII history and it’s accessible by wheelchair.

After we had exhausted the places where a wheelchair could go to at North Head, we headed off to Lane Cove National Park which is a park that’s along the way home.

We had lunch at the cafe which is located at the weir that’s in Lane Cove National Park (near the Lady Game Drive or Fullers Road entrances) and then we found a shady grass patch where A could have an afternoon nap while I sat on a bench to read.

On Sunday morning we went to West Head Lookout which is within Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park. The long and winding road to the West Head Lookout is filled with many groups of cyclists so car drivers in both directions have to be extremely patient. Expect to drive at 20-30km/h for most part of the journey. At West Head Lookout’s carpark, there is disability parking and the stone path is flat enough for a wheelchair to go on. I sat on a bench there for an hour, reading and people watching, while A went for his trail run.

The Sunday morning sky was washed out and a dull grey compared to Saturday. Nonetheless it was good to be out getting some fresh air and being around nature in some form. These outings have been helpful in dealing with the mental challenges of this foot injury.

I logged into my work laptop yesterday and was lucid enough to work the whole day. Last week I was drifting in and out of sleep the entire week but starting yesterday I felt like I was able to do some actual work.

I managed a full day of work today as well and it’s good to have some normality that way. Thankfully the nature of my job makes it possible for me to work from home.

Before my accident, I had been looking around for a new job and going for a few interviews. But none of them amounted to anything as either I didn’t get to the final round or if I did, the price wasn’t right for me. I’m definitely not prepared to take a pay cut.

It’s probably all for the best that nothing worked out. I couldn’t manage another change in my current situation. And I have decided to put my blinkers on to certain things that I don’t like at work, change my mindset, just take the money and enjoy other areas of my life. Right now I just need to concentrate on getting better.