My schedule today told me that I was supposed to have lunch with colleagues today. I had accepted the lunch meeting calendar invite from one of the analysts (i.e the more junior members) in my team. When 12 noon came along, I saw a bunch of the analysts heading out but I didn’t follow suit and no one came along to ask me if I wanted to join them either. The person who had sent me the calendar invite also didn’t come and if I was going to join them. By right, she should have seen that I had accepted her invite. But I just left it and decided not to tag along although I’m sure they wouldn’t have said I couldn’t go along with them had I gotten out of my seat.
Perhaps they are so used to me not joining anyone for lunch as I usually pack my own lunch. But I decided not to go because I knew I would feel awkward among the group of them who had gone to lunch together. And I have to admit that I was actually somewhat glad that no one asked me! In a way, that saved me from all that awkwardness that I would have felt at sitting down and not really knowing what to say. For some reason I haven’t managed to gel with many of the colleagues in my team. There just isn’t any chemistry and conversation doesn’t flow. I don’t know how to banter like they do. By “they”, I mean the colleagues from Australia and other Western countries such as New Zealand, Ireland, and Russia. The only colleagues I can chat to are the ones originally from Asia – a fellow Singaporean, two Chinese nationals, and one Indonesian.
In my previous work places, I’ve always had colleagues whom I got along well with. But I’m just finding it tough here and I don’t think it’s going to change. Maybe it’s just something to do with culture and so far I’ve yet to discover any common interest I have with anyone. Personality-wise, I’m not exactly the most outgoing and sociable of people either. I guess sometimes you find your tribe and sometimes you just don’t. Moreover I’ve been on my own for so long that I’m now able to cope with being alone and finding joy in solo activities like reading a book or going for my lunch time walks.
