A colleague of mine became a widower two months ago after his wife, who was in her mid 30s, passed away from a rare form of cancer. He’s also in his mid 30s and they have a two-year-old son. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer when her son was about to turn one and for the next year and a half, my colleague took no-pay leave to care for her and their son full-time. It was also a time to make memories and she had even planned her own funeral. Sad.

A month after the funeral, a few colleagues overheard said colleague telling his friend over the phone that he was going on a date. Frankly, we were all kinda shocked and perhaps somewhat disappointed in that he was going on a date so soon after his wife passed away. I mean, is it possible to move on so quickly??? While I don’t expect someone to grief forever, this seemed a tad fast.

Two other female colleagues and I talked about it and we concluded that this would never happen had it been the other way around. Women don’t move on so quickly. I don’t know how men are wired, but anecdotal evidence from the two colleagues I was chatting/gossiping with seems to suggest that men really do move on much more quickly from a situation like that. Colleague A told of how her parents’ friend remarried within six months of the passing of his wife of 30+ years. Of course his adult children weren’t happy, but this man told his children that he’s been so used to having a companion that he doesn’t know how to be alone anymore.

I almost feel I’m the opposite – I have been alone for so long that I no longer know how to be in a relationship anymore.

Anyway, I suppose people grief differently and I’m in no position, nor do I have a right, to judge. But still if my partner moved on so quickly after my passing, I swear I would come back and haunt him! Ha! Colleague A said she has a pact with her husband – they are supposed to wait at least a year before they are allowed to see other people after the other party is gone. That seems fair enough and an appropriate time to grief before moving on.

In any case, it was a reminder to treasure our lives and to be grateful for good health. It’s a cliche but health really is wealth.